Maybe that’s what enlightenment really comes from. Our minds are constantly pulled in a variety of directions at any given time. Also, given the number we have to make. A decision is taken from the path of least resistance which may be the easiest versus best direction. Allowing our mind ease to grasp our most internal points of a moral compass allows us to then essentially slow down the time taken to make a decision until we don’t have to anymore. Enlightenment is then you on auto-pilot. You don’t have to worry the path anymore because you’re now on it.

Christians call that Jesus or God which is why they’re so protective over any who don’t value it as highly. Getting closer to Jesus is their idea of “walking the path”. Without that guidance supposedly written in a book they’d feel lost not realizing they are essentially good people by simply taking the time to know themselves, which leads to a yearning for peace within and in contact with everything in their environment. Then they wouldn’t take accounts of one man seen by other men who tell us about how great he was amidst a world where people were coming somewhat freshly from a primal level. Accounts add up, more people get involved in the ability to tell this tale and humanities errors drop on in. Agendas are set as they first write all of this down to entail the stories of revenge and denial save for the intended purpose of first trying to say, “hey, we should all be like this guy.” Then it’s put into another era of translation wrought in an age further developed yet much simpler versions of where have evolved to now.

Preachers are out there trying to rebrand themselves by being that image amongst the culture they live in. People love to throw stones about the knock-off or corrupt version of these guys to give Christianity a bad name by showing that they acted as if they emulated the life written before them yet chose not to. Those, most of us on the fence about it, are then let down for making a mockery of one actually trying to get closer to a continuation of peace of mind.

The resurrection they speak of is then the next evolutionary step of breaking free of all this to either rewrite it in a fashion that is finally best for an evolving us or collectively working towards actually being the best versions of ourselves.

The world is already balanced in nature through time and evolution itself but we got away from that by being given a brain with a faster processor for information. Being able to do so has allowed us to feed into new things and experiences. That’s the fruit in the tree. The original sin of sorts is the shame of selfishly getting yourself out of the balance and then having to essentially look at yourself in the mirror for it.

The tree of knowledge is your brain. If you just let it do what it does best without trying to keep putting spokes in the tires with thoughtless impulse then you’d be better off. We all really want that, even the evil ones, but we’ve all got too damn smart for our own good. We try to make things easier and easier while not realizing the toll it puts on ourselves as well as collectively.

We praise science here because it showcases our potential of the human spirit to understand everything while also finding the best way to, again, make our lives easier all the while preserving it. Even the good and bad in science stems from people saying “oh shit what is this I, he, or she made” and either not realizing how it will affect another or caring; we proceed. Some choose to make the right decisions and others do not but we’re all in this shit together.

It’s hard to believe for anyone then that they could be their own image of a Godly one. That’s what being yourself really means. Not going with the flow when it goes against what you feel may be off. A trusting of the gut.

We all want a simple life at ease but do everything we can to get away from it. That’s the heaven and hell we all live in. We envy those who are closer to it and the one’s that act like they are. We can either choose to just listen to ourselves enough to figure out what is it we want to accomplish for ourselves and others in a short bit of time or waste it by being concerned about everything else

Life then, enlightenment then, is best served when we care enough to give care to ourselves and others. It’s no longer a choice rather than a path forward. 

When I was younger, I used to think I could be a poet. It didn’t stick but, my most favorite is still adorned, albeit slightly stained through the years, on my Grandmothers fridge.  A semi cheesy piece about love. I smile every time I pass by that thing when visiting them in North Carolina. Not only does the memory inspire a feeling of foolishness each time the subject comes up. It also dates how far back my quest to find that once in a lifetime person kind of deal goes. My father also helped amend that idea with the sage advice of “only one person for another in one lifetime is bullshit. There are many, and when you meet them you know it.”

Since this not a memoir I’ll save then lengthy history of memories past. Suffice to say that I had no idea how right he’d be. We all love in what I like to think as varying degrees among some sort of venn diagram showing overlaps for family, friends, chocolate chip cookies and the dog. Few times in life, we all hope not just once, someone drops in like the ACME anvil to Wile E. Coyote into your life. It’s out of nowhere which only helps further clarify the chaos theory.

My first chance happened in college. We met at a tailgate my Redshirt Junior year just after a birthday while hosting my little brother for the weekend. Mainly wondering at the time how we got stuck with her and her equally as gameday level drunk friend it’s funny to see how fast things change. Like an old poraloid sitting in a shoebox I am lucky enough to still have a picture deep in a Facebook album somewhere of that day. People change. Distance and difference of lifestyles stemming from separation by graduation will do that. Mix in a lot my own undoings and it wasn’t something destined for the long haul.

Nonetheless, being “one of THE ONES” she gets a nicely lit spot in the Memory Hall of Fame. And even though the inevitable not meant to be happened at least having that type of love for someone gave me the lowest limbo bar I could pass moving forward. Trying to explain this to friends and embattled girlfriends isn’t easy. Friends think I just want to immediately settle down. Those realizing I’m not as into it believe me an asshole with childish views of a relationship as an adult.

That’s the thing though. You don’t settle in this area. Love.

The divorce rates show well enough how now a majority do. Like check marks on a State Inspection many simply see if their option passes when they feel the need to start settling down the road. The why is beyond me, but who the hell understands anything about people. If I was more religious I’d consider “settling” as more of a sin. We have to do it so often already between work conflicts and trying to maintain the boundaries of our budgets. Therefore I can’t fathom myself doing that somewhere in my life I can control. The people I want to be with for whatever capacity. I wish more did as well.

Few rules exist surrounding “how to be a good football fan”. Most cardinal among them however, should be to never give up hope. Riding the roller coaster of anxiety that comes with being a fan is a typical experience. Nevertheless, at no point should we just let go. Last night with :44 seconds on the clock I witnessed 66,000+ of my sister and brethren adhere to this rule without hesitation or pause. Unlike some games past, it felt like we knew something spectacular was about to happen. I will not be stupid enough to tell you that a fan base as a mysterious 12th man can help win a football game, but we sure as hell did try. Hell, we had so much energy and determination we caused a freak weather event causing what should have been torrential downpour all night to idle just north of Peppers Ferry. Don’t believe me?

Blacksburg Stuff ‏@BlacksburgStuff

Just thought we should share some of those weather miracle tweets from last night. The New River kept eating the storms from the west.

 Be it by intimidation or through the constant noise and reverberations coming from Lane Stadium, our Orange Storm was the only thing making an appearance last night. I’ve seen games that have matched or even slightly surpassed what went on last night, but I’ve never seen a fan base so in sync with one another. Of the two choices, orange usually takes the back seat. Nonetheless, begrudgingly or not, EVERYONE made it a point to actually commit to this years Orange Effect. The result? PURE. UNADULTERATED. AWESOMESAUCE. See?

 

 

Some of our biggest critics say Tech fans expect wins too much. They brag about the ten plus streak, bowl games, and feel they deserve a National Title. Ok, some do go too far. I get that. What they don’t quite get though is the feeling we have all shared while going absolutely bat shit for our team during a game. By all accounts Lane Stadium is in that middle tier in terms of size and scale. The Big House is almost double ours. We couldn’t care less. When the lists come out, we’re always in the top 5 in terms of intensity and fervor. Enter Sandman is unanimously labeled the best entrance in College Football as well. Back me up here Bruce:

 

3. Lane Stadium, Va. Tech: Of all the places on this list, Lane Stadium, is the one I feel like is the most overlooked by fans outside of ACC country. So what if it’s only 66,000. Maybe it has something to do with how the building is tucked into the mountains and the sound just bounces all over the place. I’ve been to enough games there where it’s gotten to the point whenever I watch a Hokies home game on TV and I hear them play the beginning of Enter Sandman, I get goose bumps. Happens every time. The entire place rocks and shakes. And then, 45 minutes after the game ends, you trudge back up the stadium steps to the press box and see empty little liquor bottles everywhere.

 

So yea, Tech fans are obnoxious hellions that think they can will an outcome if they just yell a decibel more while flailing about more wildly than the inflatable thing in front of a car dealership. We can be naive but we also love our university and football team. If that makes us annoying, so be it, because we aren’t changing. When it comes to a Saturday in the fall, its nothing but LANESANITY.

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We don’t deserve to go. Got it. Thank you every media venue accessible by the Internet and smoke signal. One simple fact remains however, we got the nod. Now the only question remaining is how to get there. Many of my more affluent friends on Twitter have mocked me with their flight, hotel, and tickets already booked. Congratulations on being the 1%. The rest of us, student and alumni alike, have enough financial duress to warrant the use of coupons for Ramen. Nonetheless, we’re finding a way to get there. The how may be as ugly as a four point win over Duke, but it will be done. Here we go:

Selling of vital organs: The only upside to this deal is enough cash flow to get there. The many, many drawbacks include potential for infection caused by the hack job of an unqualified “doctor” and downtime. The most desperate of attempts really. Therefore, I’d only suggest going this route if you don’t plan on leaving NOLA. Then again, we love you so don’t do it.

Title/ Paycheck loans: I mentioned this route to some friends. They didn’t realize I was only half joking. The draw being that you may get enough to cover expenses and a night or two on the town. Unfortunately afterwards if there is no means to pay these suckers back you’ve acquired yourself a mortgage. I hope the three days were worth it.

Parents: I’m 26 and am somehow considered an adult. My parents “stipend” ended Freshman year at $20 bucks a month. Some of you however are lucky enough to be considered a dependent. Being that it’s so close to Christmas why not milk a combo birthday/ Xmas deal into one lump sum. Even if you only get enough for a plane ticket there are enough ways to crash wherever a few beads may get you. Booze and a ticket are only the last hurdles.

Ol’ Fashioned Road Trip: New Orleans is at most a 16 hour trip for anyone living in the Commonwealth. Four to five driving shifts will get you there and back. Sure it’s one he’ll of a ride, but just think of how much fun a fart filled venture through SEC country would be. Packing your friends in a hotel room like refugees cuts down on hotel costs too. After all, this is how many a Spring Break trip commences anyhow.

Dip Into Your Savings: The economy is shit and saving both often and early is the only way to become a millionaire by 55. I tip my hat to you miserly folk. Nonetheless, it’s the friggin’ Sugar Bowl. Not only that, it’s so close to New Years Eve in one of the best cities in the nation. Experiences last longer than the money ever will. The powers at be picked us because we do travel well. Don’t be a douche if you have the means to do so.

How fitting is the annual matchup between VT and UVa happening only a short few days after Thanksgiving. A day spent gorging ourselves only to be lulled asleep by massive amounts of food and uninteresting football match-ups. For the past several years we’ve casually gone into this diluted rivalry game more than certain of the outcome. While in Undergrad I’d even debate taking the extra day to continue my Occupy The Couch protest in lieu of making the game knowing full well any ramification would be minimal. This year has changed. The light of the fire from our neighbors in the north have gone from a flicker to a blaze. THIS UVa team is actually licking their chops AND believe they have it in themselves to win.

Too long they have heard the storied line about being our little brothers when it comes to football. Too long have the tie wearing/sun dress donning premadonas used their home game as some open air soirée. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here, they still do. However, the smell of this years matchup has them in a state of enough excitement and giddiness not induced by sipping their ’96 Merlot to actually look at the scoreboard.

Now, take a moment to thank the heavens that we don’t need some poorly produced /handwank-a-thon to get most of us to the game. Nonetheless, for those of you on the fence who think just watching it on TV will suffice may need some perspective. THIS UVA TEAM WILL GO TO THE ACCCG IF WE DON’T. Just like ’07, it’s us or them. They honestly believe its their time to turn the corner under the guidance of Mike “Waterworks” London. It’s your prerogative to sit back, but also realize how nice it will be to be a part of the crushing blow to their “this is it/little giants” moment. After all, a vast majority if you only live within a 3 hour drive.

For the rest. Those dying for Saturday to get here enough to hold anticipation for Thanksgiving dinner as just another dinner I ask you this. No matter how fired up you are. No matter how much seething hatred you have for the buffoons in Paris. Please, please don’t give in to the bait of any fans ignorance. They love to chant this “Culture vs Agriculture” bullshit. For a fanbase that talks about its campus like they’re it’s gardener, I don’t get it. My dad has always said, “you can’t polish a turd” and they further prove the point. So, have fun and do get on some trash talk. We have waxed that ass for the better part of a decade now. However, realize that we are the class of the ACC. We are Virginia Tech. We know we’re better and can most often let the scoreboard speak for itself. Get out there and Watch the Throne.

Early this week I made the call up to Chestnut Hill to get a glimpse into the hearts and minds of Coach Spaziani along with a player or two. Some of the highlights are below:

Coach Spaz, may I call you Spaz? It just rolls easier off the tongue. Looking down the barrel of a 1-5 start where do you think your team has to go from here? What keys for success have you used to inspire your squad?

First off, Spaz was a childhood nickname so it feels right at home. Thanks. In regards to where we go from here id say down. THE ROAD OF VICTORY THAT IS! Just look at how we waxed those UMassholes. It all starts there with more W’s. This week we have VT and to get the group going I have rekindled my relationship with Microsoft Word to create a bitchin banner displaying “Play like a Matt Ryan Today” adding a pic of him fresh off google images for effect. He’s in a Falcons jersey but close enough. I’ve also taken the liberty of ordering some Urinal cakes with that boy Logan Thomas’ face on em. Luke is hitting the bathroom like 5 times a day. That boy’s a rabid dog. You can just see it in his eyes. Mix that up with some sweet new play calls on offense and we’re going to make it rain in Blacksburg on Saturday. I’ve already checked the weather bug and the forecast looks clear so they won’t see what’s comin. By the way, Rogers is a douche. Canned him two weeks in after he and Chase exchanged some choice words during the UCF game. So all in all I say our chances are pretty good. We have a bright group who knows how to get it done.

Thanks Spaz, some of your fan base aren’t as excited as you are about the start so far even suggesting you potentially being in the “hot seat”. What’s your response to these allegations?

Hahahahahaha…….Hahahaha. ::sobs uncontrollably:: Hot seat? They love me here. The team does at least I think. Golden Corral Wednesday’s have been a big hit. The seafood isn’t as fresh as from market but bottomless rolls keep our hog mollies satiated. Look, I may not be Francona but The Spaz speaks for itself. We’ll run the table from here on out. Essentially giving that hot seat an “Upper Decker”. Mark my words, wait, you haven’t been recording this have you? No matter. We’ll sock it to ’em. It all starts with those Hackey Birds this weekend.

Appreciate it Coach, we’ll keep it in mind.

After about an hour of dabbling around I see a guy continually punching himself in the forehead, sure enough it’s:

Hey Luke! Good to see ya. Just have a few questions for ya. I know you’re busy so it shouldn’t take long. I just wanted to touch on the season so far. You look like a monster out there, care to tell us how you prepare for these big games with such a high motor?

Eggs. A shit ton of them. Did you know it’s the best source of natural protein? With all this creatine, HGH, mumbo jumbo out there I stay clean. God’s protein. The guys in the locker room hate it but they shut their yaps when I’m making those hits out here. It takes a toll on the bod so you have to stay in tip top shape. Also, when I’m out there I basically paint a target on whoever has the ball. You know how birds have an internal compass? It’s like that. I black out and the next thing I know I’m wrapped up on some poor soul with a facemask full o dirt. It’s heaven.

Awesome man, so when did you realize this was somewhat of a calling? You’re already leading the nation in tackles and average about 16.5 per game.

Good question brosef. Hmmmm. Elementary school maybe. All those games growing up: cops and robbers, cowboys and aliens, hide and seek, and so on. Guy or girl, I didn’t care. When it was my turn I just went after whoever I needed to hit. Sure, there were a lot of crybabies and parent-teacher conferences along the way but I knew what it took to win. I guess it just built up from there. Oh man, you know Goldberg from the WWE? I was him for 6 years straight for Halloween. While some kids were out getting candy I was spearing em left and right collecting my victories. I think it’s that type of mentality that separates winners from losers. Just get after it, ya know?

Good to know, sounds like you have a bright future. Good luck out there.

As the day was winding down I got to talk to a variety of people I won’t bore you with but I did get a chance to meet up with QB Chase Rettig.

Afternoon Chase, looks like you’re headed out to dinner but I was wondering if you could tell the folks back at home a little about yourself. Let’s start with your last name, how often do people mess that up?

Funny you asked. Even my professors call me Reading a lot. I don’t get it there’s no N. Rettig, RETTIGGG. Like Retdig. I don’t care though, by the time I’m done here they’ll have to replace that Flutie statue. I’ll be everywhere.

Got it, I mean I try to get it right every time but I know how that goes. Now, your numbers are pretty respectable with over 1100 passing, 53 percent completion, etc. What do you think made you get the nod for the starting job and how are you fixing those costly turnovers from the year prior?

It all starts with patience. I watched Karate Kid a lot growing up and remember that scene where he gets the fly with the chopsticks. Zen like patience. Wait for the time to strike and BAM! Touchdown. Shinskie unfortunately didn’t have that. My numbers last year didn’t show that too well either. It’s not my fault when receivers don’t get open or a defender flies in front of the ball like that gazelle on that poor bastard on the mountain bike. I put it where it needs to be. It’s up to them to make it happen. I’m the leader of this offense and it shows. I put in the work all summer to cut down on my mistakes. In rallying the troops, if you will, me and some of the guys chipped in for NCAA and worked on our timing. We have a perfect record through three seasons. It gives me confidence really. If we can get it done there I’m sure we can run the gamut the rest of the season. Our biggest matchup being against those bible beaters in South Bend. Our chicks are much hotter and less stuck up. Can’t wait to pound em. From ashes we arose and to which those assholes will return.

Haha, seem to have it all figured out. Any last thoughts against Tech this weekend?

Yea, COME AT ME BRO. Flutie had his miracle against Miami, Ryan against you all a few years back, and now it’s my turn. Except your only miracle is me not laying 4 hundo yards on ya. I’m out.

66,233. Remember this number. It is exactly the amount of people necessary to take a structure of steel and stone and turn it into a terrorizing sea of opposition for any visiting team. Let the sun go down and an energy amasses that can go toe-to-toe with any stadium in the country. Lane Stadium is considered by most as a second tier venue behind the likes of The Big House, The Swamp, and Happy Valley heralding body counts near or above 100,000. However, the fan base is what makes or breaks the intensity. In 2005 Rivals ranked Lane as #1 in their Toughest Places to Play followed by a #2 spot in ESPN’s “Top 10 Scariest Places to Play”. Make it a night game in a marquee match up and any visiting team will give it a unanimous #1. Getting to that point however takes a lot of hard work, determination, and high tolerance for alcohol. Therefore, herein will be a go to guide for preparation if making the trip to Blacksburg this Saturday.

Tailgating is the quintessential ingredient for a successful night game experience. We all know how god awful it is to wake up from a night of rails only to set up at 8am and pack a day’s worth of food and beverage consumption into a four hour timeframe for a noon kick off. Much like our players, going into the game cold or with limited warm up reps can create a lackluster and dangerous performance. However, with a night game it’s a marathon, not a sprint. My proven method to keep an even keel is food, food, food, beer, beer, water, beer, food, beer, water, beer. As we head further into fall this combo allows for a good buzz along with the coveted “beer blanket”. In my undergrad days I made the constant mistake of hanging out with friends Jack and Jim much too early all the while going for gold in my own version of tailgate Olympics. As fun as that was turning this Maroon Effect game into a Black Out causes obnoxiousness and miscues on key chants and plays. We want your A game folks.

Once the last shotgun is made it is time to make the trek from whatever length away to the majestic gates. This time should be taken to reflect on how “F’ing Pumped” you are Bro and Bro-ette’s. Not partaking in the veritable high five-a-thon and chants should be illegal. Fellow Hokies want those pipes primed with an incessant LETS GOOOO!!! HOKIESSSS!!! It is highly encouraged to be as loud as possible in front of opposing fans to offer somewhat of an appetizer before the cohesive main dish is served. Being a d-bag however is not preferred. Many visiting fans often applaud Hokies for being inviting, fun, and respectful. Blacksburg IS NOT Morgantown. We’re all better because of that.

Up to this point has been child’s play. We’ve gone through a month of boring games against lesser talent and that’s been easily visible in play and intensity of the fan base. This match up kicks off the long ACC ridden road ahead against what appears to be Heather Dinnich’s new love child. Good for them. However, they are not in Kansas…err Clemson anymore. As the 12th man we must be at one speed, go. The Enter Sandman themed jump fest is one of the most unique entrances in the country. It sets the tone for the rest of the game and can probably level a small city. This and the subsequent and deafening Lets Go!….Hokies! is where focus and determination are key. It takes EVERYONE to rock the house as the other team enters the field. This is a young group and will probably be the first time they have ever been in such an environment. Most likely the most hostile all year. Unnerving the competition from the get go allows our team to feed off that energy. When it comes to fruition as did in ’03 against Miami it will be one of the most beautiful things to witness. With that, the game is never over until the clock hits zero. Many made that mistake against Nebraska, including this idiot. Be your loudest on every down that our defense is on the field and church mouse silent when the offense takes helm. Also, for the love of God do not forget your keys. Holding onto a key ring with single key one had to break down for you is outright pitiful. Ive seen the magic of Disney, partied in the tropics, and been a part of some amazing games but they all pale in comparison to that fateful night my freshman year when Miami came to town so full of “swagger”. For those going I hope it becomes one for the story books. For those of you at home, we will be your voice. We Are Virginia Tech!

A mantra is starting to develop as it does every year this time, “i can’t wait for Football season”. The dog days of summer seem to bring relentless heat and excitement for a time most consider the best season of the year. Screw Christmas, santa’s fat ass doesn’t bring in one arm grabs for a TD. It’s a feeling is somewhat akin to the first time one’s about to bed a drunken conquest. Trepidation, perspiration (TMI?), and the excitement of what to expect. Sadly that moment couldn’t have been prepared for. However, how you plan and proceed into these vital next few months can be. Our boys are currently giving all they’ve got on the practice field to get ready. And here I am clicking refresh 80 times a day on ESPN. Equally as brutal. Nonetheless, I think we all can do a lot more to ready ourselves for what more often than not is a weekend long assault to body and soul. What will transpire is not a list of remedies post gameday but a preemptive strike to soften the blow. Let’s start with preparing the spouse/significant other.

I could give two shits about who wears the pants in your relationship but one of you does. Saying we both do tells me otherwise. Sadly this member also doesn’t share the same fanaticism as you about football more times than not. They will be your biggest hurdle come these coveted weekends going forward. Add kids, you’re fucked. Kidding, I love kids. Great beer retrievers. Anyway, “honey do lists” are a must have and actually DO right now. Picking wallpaper is about as fun as watching paint dry, see what I did there? Teehee. The more you do right now will lend to leeway come early September. Half ass causes work though. Do it right or you’ve added more nagging. You’ll need to further cover your bases though by giving your significant other a schedule. Compromise means you only get half your cake, but that bitch better be damn good. List off marquee games, events, etc to establish “let me do my thang” time slots. Doing this stuff early will pay dividends and they may even join in the fun. If not, cool, more chips for you.

For the rest of us, single or stringing someone along, simply skip the above. The rest of this is more for you and I but applicable to all nonetheless by varying degree. We’ll begin with my second favorite part of tailgating. The food. To this point you’ve been eating lean chicken breast, Greek yogurt, and house salads with no dressing. It’s beach season. Gold star. that shits about to change though. Keep it up for the most part but spend at least one night a week gorging yourself with the stuff you actually love. Turn pizza night into entire pizza for myself night or go Ms. Pacman on a bag of doritos. If you can’t extend that gut bag now you’ll look the fool come the first tailgate. No one likes the asshole who brings the hummus platter with whole grain pita chips either. I’m not trying to eat something that looks like what I’ll soft serve out the next morning. You get the point, but I feel it necessary as another common mistake lies with the “Grill Master”. For fuck’s sake if you are going to go all alpha and obtain the starter position here you better be good at it. No, the burners aren’t distributing heat unevenly you just overcooked the hot dogs. Hot dogs! The only food already cooked! I can’t tell you how many times someone says they own a grill and make the best ribs only to screw up a hamburger. If you are that good, practice. Grilling out at home serves as an outlet to make good stuff, drink, and be creative all the while enjoying the great outdoors. Do yourself a favor and just practice this one for the hell of it, but if you stumble on a pulled pork recipe or beer can chicken do share with the masses.

Just as fun in sharing with the masses is that of booze. Drinking is the quintessential aspect of tailgating and something I pride myself on doing well. The outcome of each endeavor is varied but this isn’t an AA meeting. Onto the tips for preparation. Untappd is a cool little social networking tool associated with the aforementioned. However, your snoody taste for uber pils, IPA’s, and all other microbrews need take the back seat. They don’t sell the 60 minute IPA by the case nor does anyone want to rip into one. Cleanse your palette going forward every so often with the beasts, ribbon winners, and fratty lights you used to enjoy before you became cultured. And boring the rest of the year. For the drinking impaired a.k.a two beer chump I won’t advocate becoming an alcoholic or even binge drinking for that matter. Maybe try for three though? Water in between drinks is suggested for all and a good illusion for pounding them down as well. The only issue that arises with this is Sally Slurrs-a-lot after a cup of bourbon and diet. This one is also apt to want to try the beer bong and have it skyrocket out their nose onto your face. Point being know your limits and test them now. Same goes with “drinking game” ability. This is a toughie as it’s kind of hard to practice corn hole, at home, with the dog. However, Kobe Bryant the shit out of that bailed up paper towel into trash can or flip a plastic cup here and there between scrubbing dishes. You may have been clutch 10 years ago but getting the last cup ain’t like riding a bike. Anything to keep hand-eye coordination strong is key.

I’m not sure to this point how I’d rate the importance of preparation in said areas but listen up. A fan is someone who cares about their team. Not, one who just wears paraphernalia and screams because everyone else is. If you can take the time to read about Minaj’s nip slip or post funny YouTube vids on your wall you can certainly skim over a roster for key position players names and their numbers. Bare fucking minimum know the QB’s name. Some asshat once told me he looooved the Giants after their Superbowl win but didn’t know who Eli Manning was, GTFO.
Conversely, if you act hot shit with facts and figures actually do your home work. There are people just as into the team as you and worse are those who hate your team and know about them more than you. Been there, burns worse than the clap. If nothing else learning about all the things your team has done this offseason will get you excited as well as be able to provide talking points when the big day comes. Suggestions for further fact finding missions are as follows: break out players, staff changes, starters, seniors/returners, key rivalries, traditions, etc.

Lastly, doing ones homework will soften the inevitable blow of a big fat L. We love to rationalize and knowing the team can be a great springboard for excuses. Analyzing play by plays to do so makes you look like a dork. Were shooting for over generalizations here. Things like ” if that ref didn’t call that ___ penalty we would have scored.” Or possibly, “Coach ____ sucks, you don’t run on 3rd and 21.” Maybe a, “we beat ourselves” here and there will work too. If your team loses a lot you have these stock piled. Some of us are fortunate to only face these depressing times more sparingly. All in all though, the best way to go is taking your lumps and being a good sport. Hate them for winning but don’t be a sore loser about it. If you’re going to cry you might as well have stayed home watching Project Runway. Tool.

I love football. You should too. Hopefully this helps ready you to love it that much more.

   This is your State of the Union. Only, for fellow Hokie fans and the docket has one thing to discuss. Football. It may be that I’ve more fully committed myself to watching any news that arises from the Hokie Camp but something smells different this year, and it’s pretty thick. Sadly however I feel that so many media outlets are pulling the average fan into a whirlwind of information. This isn’t particularly bad as a lot has gone on but with each story this Shane Train is starting to board passengers with a ticket to the future. Great. We have more commitments than any other school currently at 22. A resurgence in rivalry has become of it with UVA vying for more and more top in-state prospects. This is all fantastic stuff but uhhh what happened to this year? 

   We all thought new QB, loss of our two headed monster, and a cupcake OOC schedule would be the perfect time to relax the reins a bit. Fly under the radar and hope to God the new guy would solidify into a butterfly by the Clemson game. That’s why we, the fans, are meant to simply fasten the seatbelt and enjoy the ride. No matter how many times we dominate in NCAA we don’t really know how to run the team. There’s a reason that’s left for our lead in Frank Beamer, surrounded by an all-star cast. It’s ACC media days. I implore you to watch the interviews of our players and coaches. Something has changed. No, not just in hiring the Miracle-Gro to our recruitment woes. I’m white so I’ll use this sparingly, but we have swag. Something humbled yet confident enough to be effective. Last year was something akin to an identity crisis. Over ranked, under ranked, then over valued again. Both amazing and embarrassing a spectacle was made of our football team last year. That’s not going to happen again. Even the players will tell you. Over and over.

   We’re witness most extensively to changes from the top that has impacted our recruitment success. Again however, that’s the future. We invent that shit anyways right? It’s our schools motto after all. What will contribute to success on the field this year has been all but glossed over. For sake of organization ill break it down by phase:

Offense:
    Billy Hite and Jim Cavanaugh were moved to administrative roles. How much this was to their liking is between Frank, the administration, and themselves. Nonetheless, they’ve sucked it up for the players and school. An amazing move as we are able to obtain insight from these pillars while freeing up space for Shane and Brown to come in. The most riveting move however is in allowing Mike O’Cain to be the play caller. Stinespring is still the OC by name but will put most emphasis on the TE’s and Tackles along with Newsome supporting the rest of the hog mollies in the middle. This more one on one attention is like going from a freshman lecture hall to recitation. Both coaches will have better use of their time as well. Back to O’Cain, also the current QB coach, will now be able to use his understanding of Logan’s abilities and devise game plans around them. Stinespring still signs off on it all and is inevitably responsible for the game plan but we know who’s calling the game. Interestingly enough, while at Clemson O’Cain had some of the most productive offenses in the nation. Therefore, assuming more production out of LT and co is not outlandish. Logan Thomas is massive. At 6’6″ he will be watching the field from the press boxes. Albeit a more pro-style QB, he does have legs. Anyone who remembers the spring game, sorry not me, can attest to the 20+ dart up the middle of the field. I’m not the only one either. While others are asking Chase Minnifield which of the three headed dog at UVA is ready he begrudgingly said none. When asked of Coales who is the impact player for Tech guess who he mentioned without hesitation? He thinks LT can do something every time he touches the ball. That conveys leadership and trust. Awesome.

Defense: 
   Organizationally nothing huge here. Cornell Brown was brought in to work with the LB’s and so far it’s looking promising. Players and coaches alike are paying compliment to JGW after appearing to be our weakest link last year. The best news lies in both scheme change and mentality. Bud Foster has started a “50” campaign. Insert any 50 cent lyric here for effect. This campaign is to highlight his attitude that no team below top 50 nationally in Defense deserves an Orange Bowl appearance. They carved 534 total yards out of us by the way. Not to mention Josh Harris’ 220+ yard performance, a WF player no less! Needless to say our run D was atrocious and Run D helps win championships. This is also why Bud is going more back to the base 4-3 defense. With the Hopkins brothers at Tackle, J.R. Collins and James Gayle at ends I honestly think we will have a formidable force up front. Add LB’s in Bruce Taylor, a returning Barquell Rivers, Tariq Edwards, JGW, etc we are absolutely stacked with the front seven. Bud originally changed to the nickel after seeing so many teams change to the spread after it being so successful at USC and other PAC 12. Going back to the base defense will be especially complimentary to the mass turnover at QB this year. More than half the teams in the ACC are unleashing their new starter, unless you’re UVA lol. This equates to a more conservative approach with these guys. When they do decide it lob it up though that’s ok. Jayron Hosley was only the top CB last year with 9 INT’s. Kyle Fuller is younger but shows promise as well while Eddie Whitley is probably one of the most football intelligent guys on the team. He has been responsible for many of the audibles that get the guys into position. Anything less than a top 25 performance from this group would be blasphemy.

Special Teams:
   I’ll admit, I’m drinking the kook aid everywhere else. Not completely sold here. Yet again, this is a Frankspertise. Snickers are already building around the fact that Danny Coale will probably win the top spot at punter. Yes, punter. He did it in high school so he asked to contribute when seeing the need. If he can keep it between the sidelines I’ll be ecstatic. Our kicker is respectable from what I hear but no Brent Bowden of last year sadly. Our biggest lost here will be the loss of David Wilson most likely as KR. He led the team with 584 yards and 2 TD’s last year. He’s an animal that would most likely not mind the task but the need to keep him healthy and ready at Tailback is more prominent. This may look like a big defect but we always seem to  reload these return guys. Jayron returned a punt last year and guys like Roberts and Fuller have breakaway speed. My biggest question remains in how we actually get back to BeamerBall. Something all but muttered now. I miss the excitement of blocking kicks and destroying returnees. If the rest of the team has made the changes they say they are I hope this comes with the rest of the package.

   Others are catching onto these changes along with the potential from the squad this year and trying to enter it into a NC calculation. Phil Steele has us as highly ranked as 5th based on our OOC schedule. I just say be cautious when buying in here. I don’t believe the team will revisit any JMU-esque mistakes but football is week to week. We saw that AFTER our first two losses.  Something is definitely in the water over in Blacksburg though. The guys more than anxious to play. A chip is on their shoulder and they want to eat the opposition for lunch.